My job is mobile and I split my time working alternate weeks in Norfolk and Nottinghamshire. I drive down country roads, enjoying rural England through the seasons.

Friday, 22 May 2009

Hi ho hi ho..

But not to work - it's off to my holiday I go!!!

A whole week and a bit of not getting up at half 5, not screaming up the A1 with all the BMWs and Audis cutting me up and looking down on my little zoomer.

A whole week.... and a bit...

Letting off steam

Right, I'm going to write this, post it, get it out of my system and then come back and delete it later when I've calmed down, regained my sense of humour and can see how silly it is to be wasting time over it.


3 hours later

Which I have now done. Sad and silly details no longer required so I have deleted all but the memory of all that negative energy.

I read something that the Dalai Lama wrote about how being angry at something you can't resolve is like standing on the deck of the Titanic shouting at the approaching iceberg. I get that, but still haven't found a way to see it coming in time to manoevre past to safety.

It was all so much simpler when it was just me and Jasmine...

Thursday, 21 May 2009

And to end on a cheerful note...

My new bed arrived yesterday so I finally got to fold up and replace the camp bed I've been sleeping on for the past 4 months or so.

It's only a cheap metal framed single bed - so I couldn't exactly do my star fish impression, but it was the same height from top to bottom, doesn't sag in the middle, supports the mattress properly, and most of all - there was finally enough space for Jasmine to share the bed and pillow without having to push me over the edge halfway through the night.

I'm so pleased with it, I might even take a picture of it tonight to post tomorrow...

Feeling blue

I should be all excited, I'm going away on holiday in just a few days time, and will have a whole week to loll by the pool, read my books (correction, study hard...) and generally not have to be here.

But I'm not, I'm feeling tired, stressed, put-upon and generally fed up.

Why is it that the current work ethic seems to be that when you book time off work, you have to work extra hard before and after to make up for the few precious days you have when you temporarily escape from the hive?

I'm tempted to launch into a complete and utter whinge about work and other "sorry for myself" topics, but will stop right now.

The bottom line is:

A) Stop whingeing and do something about it Gill


B) Put up with it, get on with it and stop whingeing Gill.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Catch up from home

Been using the laptop loads but it's been either to teach mum and dad how to use it - Vista, mah jong, email and the internet..

Or to access my course. Passed the module 7 assessment on Sunday and now on to nails and common conditions of the nail. Good job I've been working on my innate squeamishness - some of the images could put you right off your lunch!

Mum and dad are fine on the whole on the computer, and the touchpad seems much easier for them to use than the old mouse. Which surprised me at first but then again it can't run away with you and it's much harder to accidentally click when you shouldn't.

They can both navigate their way round the BBC website now and send and reply to emails - although that can still be a bit hit and miss. But considering we've been online less than a week, they're doing amazingly well. Dad is probably more competent at the moment, but he's used to teletext and to machines - mum is still quite scared of it, which I remember from when I first started on computers and had this fear that I would delete everything and "break" it if I hit the wrong key.

On the whole it's great and so nice to be able to use the computer at home insteaad of having to squish it at work in lunch and tea breaks.

Talking of tea, though, time for a cuppa...

Thursday, 14 May 2009

blogging from home

Well, here it is - my first blog from the laptop at home! And I'm not so much excited as knackered, as I am having to get used to Windows Vista, different email set up, different Windows explorer, different everything...

Don't want to sound like a luddite but why do they have to keep changing everything!!!

But in spite of all that, the laptop is lovely, BT came up trumps in the end and sorted the email address issue out quickly and efficiently, and mum and dad have both used the laptop quite a bit and have even had their first forays into the web.

It's all good.

Monday, 11 May 2009

He's back!

(picture from the RSPB website)

.. or rather I saw him again for the first time this summer - and this time I saw enough of him to be completely, totally and utterly sure that he is a yellowhammer and not a siskin or a yellow wagtail. As I drew near, he shot up into the air, did a bit of a wing commander's roll and I clearly saw the white flashes on his tail - so when I got to work out came my bird book and yes, he is a yellowhammer.

He was beautiful, such a bright canary yellow and much more of it than on the picture above, as the yellow continued down his front and tummy. I feel so privileged to have seen him again. For the past month I've been coming the back way to work in the hope of seeing him, but today was the first time since last July I think.

It's made my Monday.

Friday, 8 May 2009

End the week on a cheerful note

Here is "my" squirrel, back for quick bite to eat in between the rain showers.


I'ts funny, when I started this blog, I made it private so that only I could read it.

Then I got lazy and less paranoid and left it open, thinking that it is much too small and insignificant a twig to be noticed in the blogger jungle.

Which I like and find reassuring that I can write pretty much what I want without worrying about what anyone would think. I especially find that I don't want anyone who knows me to read it, and be comparing my thoughts and ramblings to the person they (think to) know.

But if I'm honest, I sometimes look at my profile counter and wonder if anyone ever drops by, and if so, what do they think - and most importantly of all "will they like me?" Which has always been my "thing" - a born and bred people pleaser who finds it hard to stand up against disapproval from family, friends, colleagues.

This morning, I read another blogger's post which I found interesting, and nearly added a comment to say so - but stopped right before I posted it, as I suddenly thought they might come to my blog - and they might not like me.

And yet, how terrible would that be? Would I / should I really care so very much?

Thursday, 7 May 2009

My (our) new baby!

The laptop has arrived and it's perfect. Very shiny, very blue, very Dell. I'm in love with it and would have taken it to bed with me if I hadn't had to leave it plugged in to charge the battery. It seems to work perfectly and Vista doesn't seem that bad, contrary to what I had been led to believe. I have set up 3 users - me, mum and dad. We have our own passwords, our own gadgets and desktops and it all seems to work fine. Full marks to Dell for great service and delivering early.

Not so full marks for BT. I rang them yesterday to set up broadband , having been told by lots of people that they are good, reliable, easy to use etc etc etc. The salesboy hassled me through the call as quickly as he could and the whole time made it quite clear he wasn't interested in me or what I wanted, told me not to bother getting an engineer out to help install it, even though I had said I wanted one because of the wireless problems Jo has had, told me that I could ring back later to cancel my old BT dial up account (I am now told he could or should have done the transition thing for me there and then) and WORST OF ALL, he told me that my email account wouldn't be set up until the kit arrives and I could ring BT then to set it up and decide what my email address will be.

Then, later in the day I received my confirmation and order details from BT, and guess what, they have already set up and given me the most random meaningless email address! So I rang them. I spent over half an hour waiting in queues and explaining myself again and again and again to 5 different people, and even now I have to take it on trust that my email address will be changed as 2 people just transferred me without even listening to me, 2 people told me that I couldn't change it and it didn't really matter anyway, and only 1 said I could - but that I can't do it now as my account is not live yet and therefore can't be accessed.

So I'll have to wait and see and try not to let nasty old BT spoil my fun with my new baby!

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Food for thought

Taken from In God We Doubt, Confessions of a Failed Atheist by John Humphrys:

If you want God, then you must be prepared to let go of all - absolutely all - substitute satisfactions, intellectual and emotional. You must recognise that God is so unlike whatever can be thought or pictured that, when you have got beyond the stage of self-indulgent religiosity, there will be nothing you can securely know or feel. You face a blank and any attempt to avoid that or shy away from it is a return to playing comfortable religious games ... If you genuinely desire union with the unspeakable love of God, then, you must be prepared to have your "religious" world shattered. If you think devotional practices, theological insights, even charitable actions give you some sort of purchase on God, you are still playing games."

By Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury.

Wonderfully put, thought provoking, meditatively inspiring stuff, I think.

Friday, 1 May 2009

More pics

To counteract the negativity of my last post, here are some I took on the way home last night...

I stopped under an old Victorian railway bridge. The woods look dark and mysterious to me.

In the mornings, coming from the opposite direction, it's like diving into a deep green living tunnel. My heart races a little every time at the potential for adventure.

More menopause madness

I'm really struggling with my moods. I keep pulling myself up but there were times last night when I had my mouth so firmly shut it must have looked like I was biting my lips off!

Which may be better than blowing up and shouting - but probably not much as I was aware of mum and dad both struggling with me. It wouldn't be so bad if they would just leave me alone to get over it, but they both try so hard to jolly me along - without wanting to sound even more like a stroppy teenager than I already do, the guilt just makes me feel worse.

So how do I manage to stay detached and calm and not take it out on everyone around me? I AM really really trying hard.

And failing miserably I think....