My job is mobile and I split my time working alternate weeks in Norfolk and Nottinghamshire. I drive down country roads, enjoying rural England through the seasons.

Saturday, 4 May 2013

Life on the Beach

Holiday post no 2

Friday already and my holiday is rushing by so quickly I almost feel panicked.  I'm not only not managing to post every day, but my list of things to do is looking pretty long still.  Here are a few items on it:-

  • Finish 2 short stories - now altered to finish one and rough draft the second
  • Run every other morning  - managed the first, overslept this morning and now hoping to get on a treadmill in the gym later today, or run this evening before dinner.
  • Update my ipad work diary - maybe do at the airport or plane on the way home?!
  • Sort my Norfolk clients into 2 lists of 6 and 8 week rotas; plan their next 1-3 apps so that by the end of this year I'm only in Norfolk on this basis.  That is today's task and I've brought my diary, paper, post it notes etc down to the beach with me - am going to start soon, really I am...
  • Crochet that lacy housecoat I've had the silk for for at least 2 years now.  I did actually start this last night.  It took me 3 hours to understand the pattern but by 1.30 am I had it sussed out and had finished 1 of the 7 points that make up the bottom 2 inches of it.  The finished point only took 20 mins, so I should finish the rest tonight and make a start on the back and sides - as long as the next set of instructions doesn't take me as long to decipher!

So before I finish my lemon and mint tea, go for another swim, and then start on my diary, I'm just thinking of how I actually feel, sitting on the beach by myself, eating alone in a crowded dining hall, spending evenings alone, living an almost silent life.

I have to say I'm enjoying the solitude very much - in a way, I'm almost worrying that I'm too comfortable in my own company.  That's not to say that I don't miss having family and friends around me; I do, and without texting, Facebook messaging, this blog and the Internet in general, I think I would feel really quite lonely.  But I'm finding being alone rather than lonely rather refreshing as a short term option at least.  For this brief space in time, I feel lighter, less burdened with worrying about what everyone else wants, needs and expects from me.  I'm not fussed about how I look, as long as I'm neatly dressed and tidy - simple dresses for dinner, flat shoes rather than heels, make up free during the day.   The people around me are in couples or family groups; they're looking at and interacting with each other, and I feel quite wonderfully invisible.  On the beach and in the lobby when I go online, I feel perfectly at ease.  And I'm not exactly uncomfortable at meal times - but I don't linger, and tend to take my tea or coffee to the lobby or upstairs to my room afterwards.  I haven't had an alcoholic drink all week, haven't wanted one.

I do feel, though, that when I get home I'm going to lie, and tell people I've made friends and chatted more with other holiday makers.  Why is this?  Probably because I'm still ashamed of my social inadequacies, my inability to make friends easily, never knowing quite what to say to break the ice.  Knowing that one is a social misfit is not at all the same as being ok with it.

 So, off for my swim and then the diary planning....

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